I used to think that being scared all the time was normal.
That’s just how life was.
I would lie awake at night, listening to the shouting downstairs, my heart pounding so hard I thought it might burst.
When I was younger, I tried to block it out. But as I got older, I felt like I had to be strong for Mum and my little sister.
I couldn’t show I was scared, even when I was.
Dad wasn’t always angry, but when he was, it was like a storm rolling in. Mum tried to keep things calm, but nothing ever seemed to be good enough. He controlled everything—what we could eat, where we could go, and even how much money Mum had.
And when he left, for a while, things were quiet.
But Mum still sent him money because she was scared of what he’d do if she didn’t.
I was scared too.
I didn’t say anything, but I knew he would come back.
And when he did, it was like the storm never really left.
When Mum finally got help, she contacted First Lights Safer Futures service.
I didn’t really know what to think.
People came to the house, asking questions and giving us things to keep us safe, like alarms.
They talked about moving, about being safe somewhere else.
It felt like too much.
I didn’t want to leave the only home I’d ever known, but at the same time, I didn’t want to stay.
Mum started going to meetings with her Domestic Abuse Support Advisor, learning how to say no to Dad.
And then, someone told me and my sister about the Safer Futures Reconnect program.
I didn’t want to go.
I didn’t want to talk about any of it.
What was the point?
Talking wouldn’t change anything.
I was just supposed to be strong, to protect Mum and my sister, not sit in a room with strangers and talk about feelings.
But I went anyway.
The first few times, I barely said a word.
But then, I started to realise that the other kids there understood.
They knew what it was like to feel small and helpless.
And the people running it—they listened.
Like, really listened.
They didn’t tell me to “be strong” or “man up.”
They just let me talk.
And little by little, I started to feel different. Lighter, maybe.
Things have changed a lot since we got support from First Light.
Dad doesn’t live with us anymore.
He can only see us in public, with someone else watching.
Mum doesn’t send him money, and he’s finally gotten a job.
Most importantly, Mum isn’t scared of him anymore.
And I’m not either.
I still have bad days.
Sometimes, I get scared without really knowing why.
But now, I know it’s okay to talk about it.
It’s okay to say when I feel uncomfortable.
I don’t have to hold everything inside.
For the first time in a long time, home feels safe.
And that’s something I never thought I’d be able to say.
*Based on true events, name and details changed to protect identity
