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Supporting Someone You're Worried About

We’re here to listen. We’re here to believe you.
We’re here to support you in creating a future free from abuse and fear.

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How you can help

If you suspect someone you care about is experiencing sexual violence, domestic abuse, or church-related abuse, it can be difficult to know what to do. Your support can make a meaningful difference.

General Principles of Support

  • Believe them. Your belief is powerful. Avoid questioning or doubting their experience.
  • Listen without pressing for details. Let them share what they’re comfortable with.
  • Reassure them. Remind them it’s not their fault.
  • Respect their choices. Whether they choose to report or not, it’s their decision.
  • Be patient. Healing takes time. Avoid telling them to “move on” or “forget.”
  • Stay safe yourself. Never confront the abuser directly.

Learn More About

Respecting Their Choices

When someone is experiencing abuse, it’s natural to want to intervene or encourage them to take action.

However, it’s important to remember:

Do Not Force Decisions

  • Survivors need to feel in control of their own choices. Pressuring them to leave, report, or confront the abuser can be counterproductive.
  • Avoid ultimatums or deadlines. Healing and decision-making take time.
  • Respect their pace. They may not be ready to talk, act, or even acknowledge what’s happening.

Support Without Pushing

  • Let them know you’re there for them, no matter what they decide.
  • Offer options, not instructions. For example, “Would you like me to help you find a support service?” is more empowering than “You need to report this.”
  • Be a consistent presence. Sometimes just knowing someone is there can make all the difference.

Supporting Someone Experiencing Domestic Abuse

If someone you care about is experiencing domestic abuse, your support can make a significant difference.

Here are practical ways to help them stay safe and feel supported:

Safety Planning & Emotional Support

  • Encourage self-focus: Help them prioritise their own needs and wellbeing, rather than those of the person causing harm.
  • Agree on a code word or signal: Create a discreet way for them to alert you if they’re in danger.
  • Help them access support: Assist in finding information about local services, support groups, and refuges.

Preparedness

  • Keep your phone charged and accessible: You may need it in an emergency.
  • Add emergency contacts to speed dial: Include numbers for the police and local support services.

Practical Help

  • Document incidents: Keep a diary of what you see or hear, which may be useful later.
  • Photograph injuries: If they show you any injuries, offer to take photos (with their consent) for potential evidence.
  • Store essentials: Offer to keep a spare set of keys or important documents (e.g., passports, benefit books) in a safe place.
  • Emergency funds & pet care: Keep a small amount of money available for emergencies or offer to care for pets if they need to leave quickly.

Important Reminder

Leaving an abusive situation is often the most dangerous time. If possible, help them plan this step carefully and safely.

Immediate Help

If you are in immediate danger, please call 999. For non-emergencies, dial 101.

If you need advice or support now, contact one of our helplines:

  • Swindon & Wiltshire (Sexual Violence): 01793 781916
  • ISVA Services (Swindon & Wiltshire): 0300 373 2715
  • ISVA Services (Gloucestershire): 01452 222 352
  • Plymouth (Counselling): 03458 12 12 12
  • Church-Related Abuse: 0300 303 1356

Supporting Someone Who Has Experienced Sexual Abuse

When someone you care about shares that they’ve experienced sexual abuse, it can be deeply emotional and overwhelming. You may feel unsure of what to say or how to help, but your support can make a significant difference in their journey.

What you can do

1. Listen Without Judgment
Let them speak freely, and listen with empathy. Avoid questioning the details or expressing disbelief. Phrases like “I believe you” and “Thank you for trusting me” can be incredibly affirming.

2. Validate Their Feelings
Survivors may feel shame, guilt, anger, or confusion. Reassure them that these feelings are normal and that the abuse was not their fault.

3. Respect Their Choices
Recovery is personal. Support their decisions, whether they choose to report the abuse, seek therapy, or simply need time. Avoid pressuring them into any action.

4. Be Patient
Healing takes time. They may have good days and difficult ones. Your consistent presence and understanding can help them feel safe and supported.

5. Learn More
Educate yourself about sexual abuse and trauma. Understanding the impact can help you respond with compassion and avoid unintentionally harmful reactions.

6. Encourage Professional Support
Gently suggest resources like counseling or support services, but let them decide when and how to seek help. You can offer to help find services or go with them if they wish.

7. Take Care of Yourself Too
Supporting someone through trauma can be emotionally hard. It’s okay to seek your own support, whether through a counsellor, support group, or trusted friend.

Online Resources

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